I reminded myself at the end of last year to make this year worth every second, of every minute of every day, without regret, without shame and everything with honor and passion for what has been planned by Him for me.

As the year came and the first month passed…it felted like I’ve never left for the “new year”. It looks bland; it looks like I am making every mistake that I have wished to correct.

I try every inch to be in that “Zone” of doing things right. To make Him proud of me, to make something out of this clay I am in.

I wonder why sometimes, the only way to disappoint Him is the things which I have control over but let it control me instead.

Stumbling right into the pit which i know, has been there and been warned.

As I was “talking” to Him in the midst of shame, not sure if I should even begin because of all the pain that I must have caused Him.

I silent myself and just ponder on how far He has taken me.

How things that were vague, clear.

How things that were naïve, matured.

As I wallow in the wrongs I’ve been repeatedly doing and wonder if I’ll repeat it soon enough…I am disappointed in unintentionally taking His grace for granted. When it happens I wonder will this stumbling ever end.

Washing me whiter than snow, I never want the sheets to be torn.

Help me Lord, to make you proud of me every time you see me from above.

In this world I should never blame because you have set me apart and it takes me with You and Your ways…I will learn.

Help me as I seek to please You.

Forgive me when I stain this heart of mine. Make me pure again.